Exams are coming up, i’m confused and i’m dying

 

Hello, i haven’t been there lately, maybe because i haven’t been myself lately or i thought i’ve been myself but in reality i’ve been avoiding the reality of my loneliness.Everyone has their own problems, i know that, i always try to help but why do i still feel lonely. Maybe because they aren’t my problems, they are problems which i created so i could see if i could get help and whenever i tried to speak my mind, they reply with this ignorant voice which creeps me every night, when im alone with myself and i can finally see the real me and my real problems, which i can’t solve, because i’m alone.

Exams are coming up, i know i’ll survive them, i know the day will come when i lay in bed knowing that i can rest for 3 months and not worry about exams, BUT when will that day come? i have to get there somehow, don’t it? but i’m stuck here with millions of other problems yet i spend my time solving other peoples problems because somehow they are the only ones who have struggles and they are the only ones who seek help.

What about me?

Who asks about my problems, besides my mom (best person, by the way)?

So, because of that i’m thinking of changing school. I want to have another chance to really express myself and not have someone question me “is this you? talk to me when you get to your NORMAL self?”. Maybe this is my normal self, who overthinks all the time but doesn’t have anyone who can calm down those thoughts.

Why don’t i spend my time with friends, huh? BECAUSE maybe i do want to go outside, i just don’t wanna go with them. So please, can you understand that?

If everything goes as planned, i’m changing school, that’s decided.

So, here i am, future me are you proud of me?

guess not, i hope you’re in better place.

farewell.